Casual Fridays are a series of real stories about people with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. They are positive, slightly sad but enlightening. I want to show that you can still have intimate personal connections with people with Alzheimer’s and dementia. Additionally, I hope that readers can relate them to their own experiences. While some of these stories may be funny my intent is not to make fun of people with Alzheimer’s. I intend to change the way that people perceive the disease by showing some positive aspects to aid in accepting Alzheimer’s for what it is.
It has been incredibly important for me to understand my personal relationship with Alzheimer’s. My hope is that these stories can help those additionally affected by Alzheimer’s disease come to terms with how it effects their lives.
A colleague of mine worked in the eldercare industry for seventeen years. He worked in nursing homes and residential communities as a Nursing Assistant, an Activity Coordinator, and a Life Enrichment Director. He currently works with a non-profit organization that assists people with dementia and Alzheimer’s. He told me these stories and shares my views on how important they are. He asked me to share them with you. Please enjoy, I will post a new story every Friday.
-Carlos Barrios, Founder of Endear for Alzheimer’s
“Our 3 Floors of Memory”
Image may be NSFW.
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I had an experience one morning in a care community which was eye-opening in more ways than one. I had just come downstairs from the third floor to the second floor of the community. The third floor housed the people who were in the earlier stages of the disease, while the second floor was reserved for the people who were in the more advanced stages. A little counterintuitively, the second floor was usually quieter than the third floor. One might think that people more advanced in Alzheimer’s would be more agitated and vocal, but I found that in the more advanced stages, people tended to sleep more, and quite often, when I would come on to the second floor, most or all of the residents in the central living room would be asleep. And since I was the Life Enrichment Director, I always had my work cut out trying to get people awake and moving and responding.
This particular morning, most of the eighteen or so residents were asleep. But I noticed two people were awake. One was Frank, a very quiet and content man in his early nineties, balding and jowly who would rarely ever speak above a whisper. He was generally very sweet and affectionate. When I would shake his hand in the morning, he would usually take my hand and silently press it to his cheek. Once, when I was talking to Frank’s family, I made the remark that it must have been wonderful to be raised by such a kind man. His daughters looked at each other and laughed, explaining to me that Frank was a cold and stern father and never affectionate with his family. This goes to show that the personality of someone with Alzheimer’s may not correlate with the personality earlier in life, especially as the disease advances. So Frank was sitting quietly on the couch next to two sleeping residents. He was wide awake and watching a Lawrence Welk program on the television. The only other person awake on the second floor that morning was Betty.
Betty was a petite and compact lady in her upper eighties who, according to her family, had been a very proper and pious church lady for most of her adult life, attending church functions several times a week. When I knew Betty, she was a woman unleashed. When I would play music, she would dance in an absurdly gyrating way which was obviously her take on seduction. Sometimes she would actually pull up her shirt and twiddle her nipples, saying, “Come on, baby” through her teeth. Betty had several daliances with male residents in her time in this community. A caregiver once told me that he walked into a male resident’s room and he was laying on top of Betty on his bed, with her sweat pants and depends around her ankles, both people clearly enjoying themselves. Oh, the many forms of love.
Frank was sitting in the living room watching “The Beer Barrel Polka” while Betty walked slowly around the living room, stooping down periodically to pick up little bits of nothing off of the floor. I looked closely and realized that she was hallucinating and picking up things that were not actually there. After doing this for a few minutes, Betty walked over to Frank, who had been watching her with considerable interest. Betty extended her hand to Frank. Frank held out his hand, palm up, and Betty sprinkled the little nothings into Frank’s hand. Frank looked at them, looked up, and smiled at Betty. It was then I realized that of three people, I was the only person who didn’t see the little nothings.
Catch up on passed episodes of Casual Fridays. Here are some you may have missed:
“Coffee Break”
“Elvis’ 65th Birthday”
“The Silver Key Club”
“Pinto!”
“Laughing and Singing”
“The Task Master”
“Need to Get Back to Clay City, Iowa”
“Toilet Talk Time”
“Fleas and a Feather Float Together”
“Once a Politician, Always a Politician”
“Positive Post-It Notes”
“88 Keys of Past Memories”
“Fathers of Daughters”
“Distinguishable Gentlemen”
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